I'm Just So Scared

I’m Just So Scared…

Dear God,
I’m not scared of the problems.
Because I know that every problem will bring me closer to You
And I also know that
As long as I live, this life of ours will never be trouble-free

I’m just so scared that I don’t have the chance to draw myself near You
In times of troubles
I’m just so scared that I’ll be depending too much on myself , my thoughts, my mind, my money, my relatives…
I’m just so scared that I’ve forgotten that they’re all actually Yours
Given to me temporarily in this journey of life
I’m just so scared that I’ll become an arrogant person
And forget about Your Kindness and Goodness…

Dear God,
I’m not scared of the sufferings.
Because I know, once we were born in this world
That word has already followed us
Everywhere I go, I can always see this picture
Sufferings. Sometimes a never-ending ones.

I’m just so scared that I don’t have the chance to be thankful
For what You’ve done for me, for what You’ve done to this world
I’m just so scared that I’ll be too busy of complaining
This isn’t the right thing, this isn’t exactly what I want…
This isn’t or that isn’t
Because I want too many things which sometimes I don’t need
While You’ve given me everything I need

I’m just so scared that I won’t be able to keep my faith
While You Yourself have been faithful:
yesterday, today, or even thousands years ahead.

So, today, I just want to send my gratitude to You
I’m going to be thankful
For every single thing in this life
I’m thankful for the sun, the rain, the moon, the sea
I’m thankful for my parents, my husband and my child
I’m thankful for my friends
I’m thankful for You
I’m thankful for the chance to say I love You and
I couldn’t even think of one day without You

I’m just so scared that You’ll leave me
Especially when I need You the most
But, I know, You will never do it.
Because You love me more than I could’ve ever imagined.
THANK YOU, GOD…!

Singapore, 14 April 2009
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