Monday, August 31, 2009
Love in Action
I always love watching drama. Just name it! Hollywood, Korean, Taiwanese, or even Indonesian love story which is always full of romantic things. Well, sometimes it’s too good to be true, but in another time it’s just something impossible. Or in my own perspective, I found that we like to be entertained with that kind of love story, the love that we could never found in reality. It’s only in the movie.
Sweet talks all the time, romantic candle light dinners, romantic walk in the lake-garden or even in the mountain, and so much more. Which only can be found in those movies.
But once I got married, I know that love isn’t just all about sweet talks or romantic kisses.
To love- most of the time means- we need to do something. We need to act. And that’s why I call it love in action.
Love in action includes forgiveness. Uncountable times. Maybe for the same stupid mistakes that our spouse do (or we do it on our own) or many more.
When romantic love in the marriage has slowed down, not as passionate as the previous courtship’s stage, most of the time we need to accept unpleasant realities which are totally different with the romantic movies.
It’s pretty sad, isn’t it? Yes, it is, if we keep on comparing on the romantic part. There are some ways though to make the love alive. To light the fire once more. It’s not that impossible, even of course, the priority will be different because of the kids.
Love is a decision, love is a choice, love is an action. How we do everything we could to please our spouse. Even sometimes whenever both parties are too tired, they don’t have enough strength to talk sweetly, but to talk in peaceful situation rather than full of rage or anger is also an act that should be chosen.
The first 3 years of marriage often being said as the adjustment phase, some of the couple didn’t make it, some of them make it. For those who give up, I might say they’re trapped in romantic love imagination all the time, only to find that the reality is totally different. Our spouse isn’t able to protect us all the time, to be attentive all the time, to be there all the time, to be exactly what we want him/her to be all the time. When we’re in the courtship period, sometimes love is just trying to please the other party all the time. And we do it willingly, unconditionally, whole-heartedly.
But, sometimes, whenever two individuals become one, living in the same roof, sleeping in the same bed, using the same toilet, lots of things will change. Many different habits like the way to press the tube of a toothpaste, how or where to put the dirty clothes, etc, seems as simple problems but yet can trigger some difference and arguments sometimes.
From small things to more principal things, such as how to deal with in laws, how to deal with the problems of marriage life, and how to deal with financial problem, has shown us that marriage is more complex than we thought in the first place.
The most common reason of a divorce, according to some reference that I read, is due to financial management. The difference perspective or focus in finance, sometimes lead to misunderstanding, not trusting each other anymore, and eventually divorce. Other than that, the third party is also sometimes is the reason of a divorce, and few more reasons that are common as well.
Love is an action. It’s an act to stay positive even though the situation is bad. It’s the act of finding solution rather than pointing at one another’s mistakes. It’s an act of discussion rather than harsh arguments. It’s how to make a loving environment of the whole family including children, rather than making them scared all the time. It’s about giving, caring and forgiving and not about taking, ignoring, and making revenge.
Love is an action. Love is a decision. Love is a choice to stay in love even though the adjustments aren’t easy or even painful.
(Well, the domestic violence are the things that I don’t include here, it’s exceptional…).
Love is just trying to stay faithful even though there are many attractive men/women out there.
May we grow more in love each day with our spouse. Not an easy thing though, but we can try to make it better….
Singapore, September 01, 2009
* in sympathy of the divorce news of the celebrities including Krisdayanti and Anang. They have their own problems, but hopefully whatever the decision they’ll take, it will be the best for the whole family.